One of the most influential books I have read is by Byron Katie.  The book is called Loving What Is.  It was published in 2003 and has served as a powerful tool in my personal growth toolkit. Katie outlines a 4 step protocol followed by the U-Turn.  Each step encourages the person to look inward and to reflect upon his/her/their thoughts, feelings and behaviours regarding the troubling situation. Karie calls these reflective moments an inquiry into the self.

The four questions addressed in the inquiry process are as follows:  1.  Is it true?  2.  Is it really true?  3.  When you have these thoughts how do you feel?  4.  Who would you be if you didn’t have these thoughts?  Once the person has meditated on these questions, the U-Turn follows.  The U-Turn involves looking inward rather than projecting outwards into “the other.”  As Tara Brach says, “Bad Othering.”  When we look inward it can be very scary and depressing at first.  Feelings of loneliness and despair may arise.  Equally, feelings of enlightenment and possibility may surface.  It is through this meditative process that we come in contact with our self and the truth around the challenging situation.  Byron Katie encourages us to keep asking the 4 questions until the answer arises, whatever it may be.  There are no “suppose to’s.”  Just keep reflecting until an answer gains clarity.  It is in this awakening that we realize that it is never about the other person.  It is about us and the choices we choose for ourselves.  Yes, a hard concept to accept.  If one reads the literature on the self-actualization process it is evident that growth and fulfillment come from the inside; it is not about the thoughts, feelings snd behaviours of others.  Of course, this does not excuse the other, but rather moves us from tolerance to understanding and acceptance.  When we fill ourselves up with love, it is love that then radiates outwards like a ripple on a pond.  As Dyer would say, “We cannot give away that which we do to have.”  How simple yet profound.

I invite you to try out “The Work” and witness the transformation .  Meditate, be still by quieting the mind.  Focus inward and see what comes up.  It is a process and will take time.  The thought patterns we have today did to develop overnight.  Change will slowly evolve.  “Change your thoughts, change your life” (Dyer).  As a game a invite my clients to purchase two different pairs of coloured sunglasses from the dollar store.  I suggest one pair be dark and other pair be light in colour.  I then encourage them to put on the dark glasses and to focus on the negative thoughts patterns that arise.  I then ask them to look through the brighter lenses and to reframe their thinking to something more positive.  Strangely enough the world tends shift.

Please feel free to try out these strategies and see for yourself.  Who knows, a new perspective ay arise.  Please leave a comment in the “Comments Section.”